single mom – My Awesome Disaster

Why I Write…

In 2014, I took a little break from the fast lane of life to spend more time with my kids. During that time I started a book that I have yet to finish. I joined a writing “club” and the first assignment was to post “Why I Write.” For inspiration, I re-read it today….here it is with no changes from January 2014. Enjoy!

Before you get started reading, I just wanted to thank Taco Bell for reading my mind…

Getting Started

At a young age, I started reading. My dad says I was only three. As I sat in his lap while he read the newspaper, I started reading aloud the latest news. Maybe I was that smart as a child?! I skipped kindergarten. For years, I thought that was my greatest achievement.

As I got older, writing just came naturally to me. I struggled in English classes even though I loved to read and write. I felt confined by rules, and I was bored with diagramming sentences. It was slowing down my writing and my creative out pour. In high school, I started writing sports articles. First, I wrote for the high school newspaper, but then I moved on to the local town newspaper where I interned my last semester of high school. I felt like I was successful at that point. I had my own weekly column for the few months I was there, and I reached my goal of being published.

Off to college as a journalism major I went. I was confident in my writing, but not sure where it was going to lead me. Then I signed up for Army ROTC and everything changed. I changed my major to political science and put all my focus on activities that would help me get active duty as an Army Officer. I thought I had put writing on hold. Little did I know that every political science class I took had many books to read and several essays and research reports to write. I graduated a semester late, but I graduated and received a commission as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army.

My first daughter was born my senior year of college. My life changed completely. My priorities evolved. I still found myself reading and writing. I actually had more time to read now since I was no longer chasing the next big party. I developed a love for military history and read everything I could find, both non-fiction and fiction.

My family continued to grow over the years. Watching them all start school and learn to read was exciting for me. Then as they learned to write and express themselves I saw pieces of me in each of them. Seeing them read on their own is a gift! With the struggles of life and balancing work and family, I lost the time to read for fun. I had to watch my children read and got enjoyment from their book reviews. I was able to write occasionally, but it was either work related or an assignment for a class that I was taking.

I have finally reached a place in life where I can work part time and not be financially devastated. Two of my kids are grown up or at least by age they are considered grown up. My youngest daughter is in kindergarten, so I have found a few hours a day that belong to me. At first, I spent that time running and trained for a half marathon. When that was over I said “what’s next?” I started reading and found myself reading every chance I could get. I read during the day, I read at night, I read while I waited in the car line at school, and I read whenever I found myself alone for a moment. Reading just did not seem like it was enough. I needed to find a way to write.

For the past two years, I have done the 30 Day of Thanksgiving Challenge during the month of November. After the first year I realized most of my daily thanks were wrapped around my five kids. They bring me joy, they bring me anxiety, they bring me smiles and laughter, and they bring me tears as well. I discovered that so much of what I am is because of them. I started a journal expressing these emotions towards my kids. I then started something that resembled a letter to each of them. I wanted them to know my feelings when they were born, my happiness as I watched them learn to love and care for others, my feeling of pride when I watch them excel in life, and my never ending unconditional love that I felt for each of them. Of all the things I have done or will ever do in this lifetime, the five hearts that once beat strongly in rhythm with mine will be my greatest accomplishments. And I want them to know just how special each of them are to me.

My greatest accomplishments in life share my sense of humor and my love of reading. We are our own book club. Five hearts share my love and I hope they recognize that I love each of them just the same. I have had the pleasure of saying “welcome to my world” five times while looking into the those precious eyes that long to see my smile. As you can see…my world revolves around five hearts that call me “Mom.” I want them to be proud to say that I am their mom. Because of them, I have decided to write.

Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.

ADDED: My youngest is now a Junior in High School. The other four are technically adults! Two of them have upgraded my status to “Gigi”!

Bucket List

Check one off the list!

Ireland has been on my bucket list for many years…even before 23 and Me informed me that I’m mostly Irish. In the movies it looks beautiful and quaint. It appears to be a friendly inviting country and the people seem happy. Who wouldn’t want to go there?

Taken from the bus window on a small road in Ireland

Disney World is “the happiest place on Earth” and it’s “where dreams come true.” I love Disney. Growing up in Florida we went several times a year! Yes, we went a lot. I had to check out this country of Ireland where the movies make it look like the adult version of a Disney park. Therefore, I added it to my bucket list!

Cobh, seaside town in Ireland…last stop of the Titanic before it sank

Two years ago, my youngest daughter asked if she could go on a school trip to Ireland. Since I live vicariously through my children, I said “yes” with enthusiasm. My next response was a question, “can parents go?” She checked on it, and I could go. Then…what about the other daughter still living at home? Would she be able to go? Again, it was a yes. There I was, committed to a two year payment plan for three people to go on this trip with no idea how I was going to pay for it, but we were going!

It was so much more than just Ireland. We went to Wales, Scotland, and England. We rode a bus (a lot), we rode a ferry, and we rode a train. Of course, the trip had a few airplane rides as well.

We also took a few rides on the tube in London

I could write for days and tell you how amazing this trip was for everyone in our group. A group of teenagers and adults from South Georgia coming together for 10 days on a great adventure! Castles, museums, restaurants, tours, lots of exploring in old cities, and a big day in London… I’ll get back to that. In 10 days, we saw a lot of Ireland and Great Britain. We also learned that Great Britain is a lot of countries to include England. (Plus, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland)

“Proper” fish and chips….the best I have ever had!

I mentioned earlier that two of my daughters and myself went together on this big trip. Our daily exploring group included another set of two sisters. Our accountability group also included one young man traveling alone. We were known as “The DeFelice Six.” Exploring with so many teenagers was a challenge as everyone had some where they wanted to go, but we had limited free time throughout the journey. Now I have to go back one day to see more…especially my favorite, Scotland.

The girls and I enjoying coffee in Edinburgh, Scotland

One of the big highlights happened in London. We were on a tour that included a bus ride and walking. Our amazing tour guide had a surprise in store for us that day! A once in a lifetime kind of event! It was the King’s Birthday parade.

The King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

We saw the King! We also saw the Royal Family. King Charles and his Queen, Camilla, were in a horse drawn carriage. Princess Anne, Prince Edward, and Prince William rode horses right behind the King. There were other carriages in the parade with their families. Yes! We saw Kate, George, Charlotte and Louis as their carriage passed by the crowds that lined the streets. Our awesome tour guide picked a spot along the route that was less crowded, so we were almost up front! Did I mention the band was riding horses? Let me remind you…we saw the King! (And the two future Kings)

The high school teacher that sponsored the trip was extremely organized and experienced. We came prepared with our special backpack that identified us as part of the group, our one carry-on, and one small rolling suitcase. She told us to prepare for rain, but we were blessed with 7 days of sunshine! Ten day trip, so we did get to use our rain jackets a few times. I highly recommend signing up if that type of program exists at your teens’ school!

I’ll end this with a quick roll-up of some core memories (besides seeing the King): museums with history and famous artwork, riding the London Eye, the best fish and chips while in Edinburgh, a few sheep blocking the road in Ireland, seeing the stuffed clone sheep “Dolly” in Scotland, finding my maiden name (King) engraved on several places in an old church in Dublin, and the crazy maze we had to wind our way through to get to customs in Canada. There is so much more I could add from those 10 days, and I would love to go back there! However, the point of this post is this: cross Ireland off my bucket list!

Hello, 2023!

After a long break from writing, I’m back. And ready to give my followers some much needed love and attention! We won’t talk about why I had taken a long break from my blog, but 2023 is the year we are coming back stronger than ever.

Strength is built from experience—both the good times and the bad ones we want to forget. Like child birth and pregnancy, the positive outcomes outweigh the pain and discomfort. We remember the good experiences and treasure that feeling of happiness and glory. We are tormented by the bad experiences and haunted by that feeling of failure or sadness or fear. Today, we take all those memories and we navigate life based on all that has happened in the past.

However, we can’t let the past define us. It’s true that the past has molded and created the person we are today. But that doesn’t have to be where the story ends. Living in the present and realizing we have the power to build and shape our future self gives us the power to push back on the old you and to welcome the new you that is going to kick some ass and be successful while also burning bridges and creating new paths!

Just a few years ago….ok, 31 years ago, I was a single, pregnant, senior in college, and soon to be Army Officer. On the same day, I learned I was pregnant and I had been assessed Air Defense Artillery plus chosen to serve on active duty. Back in the early 90s, that’s 1990s for you younger folks, it was hard to get active duty from an ROTC program. Later that year, I had a beautiful baby girl while also taking summer classes. I missed 4 days of class after I had the baby, and returned to finish the semester with straight As! For those that know me, that was my best semester GPA during undergrad. Much later that year, I graduated with a BA in political science and was commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army. 1992 was a hard year for me even with the bonus of a new daughter and successfully obtaining my goal of going into the Army after graduating from the mighty fine college institution known as “the” University of Florida. Go Gators!

Let me explain….a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me. Should not have been a complete surprise as we had been open to seeing other people the previous few months. However, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones or maybe it was the immaturity of being 20 years old and pregnant, but the break up hit me hard. A month later, I’m pregnant and living alone in a small apartment since the sorority house asked me to move out when they learned I was pregnant. I had taken in-completes the previous fall semester because I had been so sick, which we later learned was first trimester morning sickness and not the flu. So trying to finish the fall semester while taking new classes in the spring semester plus moving and accepting my new life challenges, I sat home at night with my pregnant self and cried. Yes, I cried a lot when I was pregnant. But I also did so much better in school that year since all I did was go to class and study….and make late night runs to McDonald’s since I had a craving for Big Macs often. It was a tough time with a positive outcome.

Yes, it was a positive outcome! That beautiful daughter gave me a beautiful granddaughter in 2022! I went from being “Mom to “Gigi” early one morning last June! Let’s skip back in the story, I married the baby daddy in January of 1993 and had two more kids. My only biological son and my second daughter. While that marriage ended with my first divorce (yes, I have two divorces under my belt), the amazing children that came from that relationship trumps the pain of divorce. Additionally, my son gave me a grandson in November of 2022! Yes, I’m now the proud grandparent of both Milli and Hunter. My heart is bursting with love and pride! Definitely a positive outcome for 1992!

Baby shower for my oldest daughter…my son and youngest daughter missing from the family photo

My point….for a brief few months in 1992, I thought my world was crashing in on me. The waves of depression and anxiety were overwhelming. But looking back, I rode those waves like a professional surfer and won the best trophy in life—-family! I gave birth to 5 kids plus won a bonus step-son. I now have a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law as well as “Adam”, also known as my daughter’s boyfriend. I have TWO grandchildren. And not to brag, both of my parents and my step-dad are still healthy and doing this adventure called life. Despite the many crashes and bruises I’ve acquired over the years, I’m winning!

I’m winning and I’m back! Ready to take on 2023! Ready to share My Awesome Disaster of a life with my followers and new readers. Let’s put the past behind us, treasure the gift of today, and not focus too hard on tomorrow. As cliche as it is, “Life is short” and we need to face each day like it could be our last! Thrive instead of just living! Let’s go ride the big waves and win this competition!

https://myawesomedisaster.com/

How to Manage a Holiday Calendar

How do you manage a holiday calendar when you have five kids, two of them in middle school? You don’t. At least not without help.

As we get closer to Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and whatever holiday you celebrate, our schedules are full with school programs and school lunches and special events. Throw in some winter soccer and a cheer competition, and you realize you need a clone. But just wait…it gets even more chaotic. Two weeks of travel for work during the month of December. And, I must add a college graduation for my oldest child.

Breathe! My meditation app, Headspace, reminds me throughout the day to take a moment to relax. The holidays can be so overwhelming. A period of time that is supposed to be filled with joy and laughter and memory making events can create anxiety and sleepless nights that destroy the merry in Christmas. And before you know it, it’s January.

Ask for help! I know I can’t be two places at once. I definitely can’t be three places at the same time. My two very active middle schoolers need a ride somewhere several times a day. School, after school club meetings, practice, games, extra practice, dentist appointments, and every other thing that pops up on the calendar requires transportation. Family and friends are the only way I can get everyone where they need to be on a daily basis.

Write it down! Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s the busy schedule, but I seem to forget details frequently. What time are we supposed to be there? What day was that appointment? Are we wearing red or grey today? If I don’t write it down right away in my calendar, we probably won’t be there unless someone sends me a Remind message.

By the way, the Remind app is about the best thing ever invented for teachers and coaches to send updates and reminders. I still read the messages several times before we leave the house, and sometimes when my 13 year old is making me doubt myself, I will check the uniform color two or three times while I’m driving the 35 miles to a soccer game, knowing it’s too late at this point even if she is wearing the wrong color. Side note: she’s learned to always keep the other color uniform in her soccer bag because sometimes I still get it wrong.

Plan, plan, plan! My job requires me to spend months planning and then while we are executing the mission, we start planning the next one. I think I’m pretty good at it. However, when it comes to planning my personal and family schedule, I’m not always as organized. Yes, I write it down in the calendar. Yes, I wait until the last minute to ask a friend to give my kids a ride somewhere. Maybe my calendar should also have an excel spreadsheet attached to it with the logistics required for each event. Which reminds me…did I make that hotel reservation yet for the out of town cheer competition? Did I make my flight reservations for that other work trip? I’m thinking we need a family conference call to figure out where everyone is eating on Thanksgiving.

In the end, I know it will all work out. There may be a few tears shed. One of my kids will probably release some stress and tell me how I messed something up or embarrassed them. Middle schoolers can be too honest at times. With the help of my family, friends, and even my co-workers, we will survive the holidays. I’ll wish I took more pictures and I’ll wish I asked others to share more pictures. But life will keep moving forward…we just need to hang on for the ride, and remember to enjoy it! After all, it’s the most wonderful time of the year according to the Christmas carols already playing on my radio.

Last year as an Elementary School parent!

It’s always been a little bit emotional when one of your children completes their last year of elementary school. Middle School starts a new chapter in their lives. They suddenly seem so grown up. But what happens when your youngest only has a few months left in elementary school? You start feeling panicky. You realize you should have done more. You should have ate more of the crappy school lunches. You should have taken more days off work and gone on more field trips. You should have spent more time volunteering. Mommy guilt hits you hard!

Eating “Stone Soup” they made in kindergarten

Looking so tiny on the school bus, kindergarten field trip

Then you look at what you did do: as a single parent, I worked hard to ensure they could all go on all those expensive field trips and I could buy all those fundraiser items so they could get the “dollar store” prizes. I learned the new math and when it got above my level of abilities, I learned to ask for help. Thank God my oldest daughter married a math genius and my second oldest daughter is a math guru, too! I stayed up late making and finishing projects. I made late night Wal-Mart runs for a dress-up day outfit that they told me about at bedtime. I made sure they got to do all the extra stuff at school even when I had to be out of town for work.

Then there’s the things I missed: watching her win a trophy at a math tournament, watching her cross the finish line ahead of everyone else at her first practice 5k, eating Thanksgiving dinner at school, and so much more. I am extremely fortunate my dad was able to attend a lot in my place. And extremely thankful for other parents and teachers that treated my child as one of their own.

One of the many dress-up days for Dr. Seuss Week celebrated every year

So, these last few weeks of 5th grade are tough on all of us. Last week, we went to our last elementary school choir show. Soon we will have our last elementary school field day. The last elementary school AR party. Then there’s the 5th grade awards ceremony. The last day of school will be tears for many. The last DeFelice girl will walk out of Hahira Elementary School, and a special time in our lives will come to an end.

Winning runner-up in the school spelling bee in 5th grade

Essay Winner at D.A.R.E. graduation in 5th grade

Life’s a book. And we have to turn the page to start the next chapter. We have to move forward to keep the story going. None of us know exactly how the book ends. We wish we had read some chapters slower and had lingered on the journey. But you can’t stop the adventure. Tomorrow is coming whether we are ready for it or not. Elementary School is a chapter that is coming to an end in our family. The Middle School story will continue to develop. And 3 years from now I’ll be dreading the day my youngest finishes that chapter in our lives. The book will keep growing!

While I dread May 24th, I also celebrate with my girl and all her friends as they “graduate” to the next stage of their school career. We are fortunate to live in a small town, so the teachers that have become so special to our family…we still get to run into them at The Dollar General and The Huddle House. And through social media they still get to watch the DeFelice girls go! And go they will!

As the mother of 5, I really thought watching my only son start kindergarten was rough. I remember his first day, holding his hand, walking up the driveway to the school, and the look of excitement in his face while I fought tears behind a big smile. I was wrong at the time. It was hard, but it wasn’t that bad. Watching my youngest start kindergarten in August 2013 was heart wrenching. I knew this was going to be it. And now, six years later, I’m learning the real meaning of rough. To feel pride and regret at the same time is just painful. 2019 will be the year we can check elementary school off everyone’s bucket list. All five will have that finished that chapter.

End of 3rd grade and 5th grade during school year 2016-2017

For all the other mamas out there celebrating the end of this era, keep smiling through the tears. Keep up the hard work and don’t let regret take away from all the pride in knowing your babies “did it!” And if you feel like I do, knowing they have had amazing elementary school teachers that have prepared them for the next chapter, take a breathe and brace yourself for middle school! According to my current 7th grader, the next chapter is even better! Turn the page, and let’s go!