grandkids – My Awesome Disaster

In 2014, I took a little break from the fast lane of life to spend more time with my kids. During that time I started a book that I have yet to finish. I joined a writing “club” and the first assignment was to post “Why I Write.” For inspiration, I re-read it today….here it is with no changes from January 2014. Enjoy!

Before you get started reading, I just wanted to thank Taco Bell for reading my mind…

Getting Started

At a young age, I started reading. My dad says I was only three. As I sat in his lap while he read the newspaper, I started reading aloud the latest news. Maybe I was that smart as a child?! I skipped kindergarten. For years, I thought that was my greatest achievement.

As I got older, writing just came naturally to me. I struggled in English classes even though I loved to read and write. I felt confined by rules, and I was bored with diagramming sentences. It was slowing down my writing and my creative out pour. In high school, I started writing sports articles. First, I wrote for the high school newspaper, but then I moved on to the local town newspaper where I interned my last semester of high school. I felt like I was successful at that point. I had my own weekly column for the few months I was there, and I reached my goal of being published.

Off to college as a journalism major I went. I was confident in my writing, but not sure where it was going to lead me. Then I signed up for Army ROTC and everything changed. I changed my major to political science and put all my focus on activities that would help me get active duty as an Army Officer. I thought I had put writing on hold. Little did I know that every political science class I took had many books to read and several essays and research reports to write. I graduated a semester late, but I graduated and received a commission as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army.

My first daughter was born my senior year of college. My life changed completely. My priorities evolved. I still found myself reading and writing. I actually had more time to read now since I was no longer chasing the next big party. I developed a love for military history and read everything I could find, both non-fiction and fiction.

My family continued to grow over the years. Watching them all start school and learn to read was exciting for me. Then as they learned to write and express themselves I saw pieces of me in each of them. Seeing them read on their own is a gift! With the struggles of life and balancing work and family, I lost the time to read for fun. I had to watch my children read and got enjoyment from their book reviews. I was able to write occasionally, but it was either work related or an assignment for a class that I was taking.

I have finally reached a place in life where I can work part time and not be financially devastated. Two of my kids are grown up or at least by age they are considered grown up. My youngest daughter is in kindergarten, so I have found a few hours a day that belong to me. At first, I spent that time running and trained for a half marathon. When that was over I said “what’s next?” I started reading and found myself reading every chance I could get. I read during the day, I read at night, I read while I waited in the car line at school, and I read whenever I found myself alone for a moment. Reading just did not seem like it was enough. I needed to find a way to write.

For the past two years, I have done the 30 Day of Thanksgiving Challenge during the month of November. After the first year I realized most of my daily thanks were wrapped around my five kids. They bring me joy, they bring me anxiety, they bring me smiles and laughter, and they bring me tears as well. I discovered that so much of what I am is because of them. I started a journal expressing these emotions towards my kids. I then started something that resembled a letter to each of them. I wanted them to know my feelings when they were born, my happiness as I watched them learn to love and care for others, my feeling of pride when I watch them excel in life, and my never ending unconditional love that I felt for each of them. Of all the things I have done or will ever do in this lifetime, the five hearts that once beat strongly in rhythm with mine will be my greatest accomplishments. And I want them to know just how special each of them are to me.

My greatest accomplishments in life share my sense of humor and my love of reading. We are our own book club. Five hearts share my love and I hope they recognize that I love each of them just the same. I have had the pleasure of saying “welcome to my world” five times while looking into the those precious eyes that long to see my smile. As you can see…my world revolves around five hearts that call me “Mom.” I want them to be proud to say that I am their mom. Because of them, I have decided to write.

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ADDED: My youngest is now a Junior in High School. The other four are technically adults! Two of them have upgraded my status to “Gigi”!

After a long break from writing, I’m back. And ready to give my followers some much needed love and attention! We won’t talk about why I had taken a long break from my blog, but 2023 is the year we are coming back stronger than ever.

Strength is built from experience—both the good times and the bad ones we want to forget. Like child birth and pregnancy, the positive outcomes outweigh the pain and discomfort. We remember the good experiences and treasure that feeling of happiness and glory. We are tormented by the bad experiences and haunted by that feeling of failure or sadness or fear. Today, we take all those memories and we navigate life based on all that has happened in the past.

However, we can’t let the past define us. It’s true that the past has molded and created the person we are today. But that doesn’t have to be where the story ends. Living in the present and realizing we have the power to build and shape our future self gives us the power to push back on the old you and to welcome the new you that is going to kick some ass and be successful while also burning bridges and creating new paths!

Just a few years ago….ok, 31 years ago, I was a single, pregnant, senior in college, and soon to be Army Officer. On the same day, I learned I was pregnant and I had been assessed Air Defense Artillery plus chosen to serve on active duty. Back in the early 90s, that’s 1990s for you younger folks, it was hard to get active duty from an ROTC program. Later that year, I had a beautiful baby girl while also taking summer classes. I missed 4 days of class after I had the baby, and returned to finish the semester with straight As! For those that know me, that was my best semester GPA during undergrad. Much later that year, I graduated with a BA in political science and was commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army. 1992 was a hard year for me even with the bonus of a new daughter and successfully obtaining my goal of going into the Army after graduating from the mighty fine college institution known as “the” University of Florida. Go Gators!

Let me explain….a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me. Should not have been a complete surprise as we had been open to seeing other people the previous few months. However, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones or maybe it was the immaturity of being 20 years old and pregnant, but the break up hit me hard. A month later, I’m pregnant and living alone in a small apartment since the sorority house asked me to move out when they learned I was pregnant. I had taken in-completes the previous fall semester because I had been so sick, which we later learned was first trimester morning sickness and not the flu. So trying to finish the fall semester while taking new classes in the spring semester plus moving and accepting my new life challenges, I sat home at night with my pregnant self and cried. Yes, I cried a lot when I was pregnant. But I also did so much better in school that year since all I did was go to class and study….and make late night runs to McDonald’s since I had a craving for Big Macs often. It was a tough time with a positive outcome.

Yes, it was a positive outcome! That beautiful daughter gave me a beautiful granddaughter in 2022! I went from being “Mom to “Gigi” early one morning last June! Let’s skip back in the story, I married the baby daddy in January of 1993 and had two more kids. My only biological son and my second daughter. While that marriage ended with my first divorce (yes, I have two divorces under my belt), the amazing children that came from that relationship trumps the pain of divorce. Additionally, my son gave me a grandson in November of 2022! Yes, I’m now the proud grandparent of both Milli and Hunter. My heart is bursting with love and pride! Definitely a positive outcome for 1992!

Baby shower for my oldest daughter…my son and youngest daughter missing from the family photo

My point….for a brief few months in 1992, I thought my world was crashing in on me. The waves of depression and anxiety were overwhelming. But looking back, I rode those waves like a professional surfer and won the best trophy in life—-family! I gave birth to 5 kids plus won a bonus step-son. I now have a son-in-law and a daughter-in-law as well as “Adam”, also known as my daughter’s boyfriend. I have TWO grandchildren. And not to brag, both of my parents and my step-dad are still healthy and doing this adventure called life. Despite the many crashes and bruises I’ve acquired over the years, I’m winning!

I’m winning and I’m back! Ready to take on 2023! Ready to share My Awesome Disaster of a life with my followers and new readers. Let’s put the past behind us, treasure the gift of today, and not focus too hard on tomorrow. As cliche as it is, “Life is short” and we need to face each day like it could be our last! Thrive instead of just living! Let’s go ride the big waves and win this competition!

https://myawesomedisaster.com/

Tag: grandkids

Why I Write…

Getting Started

Hello, 2023!