Two girls in middle school at the same time can be stressful. One minute they are giggling, the next they are screaming at each other and running off to their rooms. Some days they are a lot of fun, and some days they drive me to drink…. if I did that sort of thing.
Some days they want to ride the dragon at a Harris Teeter
As a single parent, I have no choice but to survive. And as a working mom that travels a lot (did I mention I’m one flight away from Diamond status on Delta?), I also have to make it work when I’m not even in the same country! So here are my tips to “Middle School Drama” Survival.
1. Meet the neighbors. Exchange phone numbers. Volunteer to drive in a car pool. And drive often when your schedule permits. Offer to watch their kids, so when you need a sitter it seems only fair to ask them for help. Let all the kids hang out at your house. Occasionally, take the kids to a movie or the mall. Get to know the kids well, and treat them like you would your own. My neighbor and I have gone so far as to exchange Venmo information so we can cover the expenses our kids rack up on a Friday night adventure. And when the time comes that you aren’t around and your kids need a little supervised fun, your neighbors are more likely to agree to taking your kids to a movie or other local fun activity.
On this same topic, meet your children’s friends’ parents. And repeat all of the above. They weren’t kidding when they said “it takes a village.”
2. Buy them a cell phone and pay the extra fee for unlimited data. Not only do they need to contact you often…you feel much better when you can contact them when they are out and about. Yes, this can get expensive with multiple kids, but the peace of mind is worth the cash. Unlimited data is a must. Unless you like paying for extra data. One long car trip to a soccer tournament—there goes your whole data plan. Find a good way to communicate over WiFi for those times you don’t have cell service. We all have iPhones, so when I am overseas we use FaceTime and iMessage. There are ways to limit their phone use and apps to track their locations. Yes, they abuse the process at times. For example, just last night my 13 year called me from her room (yes, from the other side of the house) and asked me to bring her another blanket. They have also texted me when they were sick or scared. It balances out.
NOTE: When they are young adults, you will probably still have them on your cell phone plan. Its cheaper for them to pay you for their share of the bill than it is for them to start their own plan. Yes, I have a 19 year old and a 25 year old still on my plan. My cell phone bill is more than my car payment. Totally worth it!
3. Download a really good calendar app or buy a small planner book. We also keep a full size calendar hanging on the kitchen wall. Update, update, update. Want to see a tween cry instantly? Miss an event or be late for a game! It also helps to add details to the calendar app like times, who is driving, amount of money needed, what color jersey they are wearing, and so on. We recently started using the app TimeTree and really like the ability to share events and calendars, color coordinate events by person or type, add photos and extra details. It also sends me alerts on my phone to remind me of upcoming events. Instead of loading my purse with those little appointment reminder cards, I immediately add it to the calendar before I leave the doctor’s office. I usually lose the little business card sized reminder anyway in the black hole I call a purse—more to follow on that topic, see #7.
4. Use a laundry system. And when you find a good one, let me know. We struggle in this area, so I am not going to claim to know the answer. With two middle school age girls, clothes all look the same. I have to actually check the size to determine who is the proud owner of the 11th pair of black leggings I pulled from the dryer. I am horrible at folding and putting away. We’ve tried the hanger method. But there’s stuff hanging in my laundry room from years ago. We’ve tried sorting by person and leaving it up to each individual to fold and put away. I now own way too many laundry baskets full of clothes that never made it to a drawer. And do not get me started on socks. The three of us share socks….most days none of us are wearing a matching pair. We are failing in this area, but a good laundry system would sure make life easier.
5. Make a budget and plan ahead: field trips, club t-shirts, Smoothie Wednesday, Chicken Biscuit Tuesday, PE concession stand (yes, that’s a thing—-the concession stand is open during PE so you can have some Skittles and a Coke after your Monday Mile), and many other random school events that make a public school education far from free. Locker rentals, ID card fees, club dues, temporary tattoos from the school spirit store, and the list could go on and on. Make that household budget, try to stick to it, and make sure you include random school costs of at least $10 a week.
6. Have a sense of humor. Be prepared to laugh at yourself. Be prepared to do silly things so your kids will laugh at you. If I want to make my kids laugh, I just need to start silly dancing. Would I do that in public? Probably not! In my kitchen though—I’ll channel my inner dance queen and bust a move…or something like that to make a sad girl giggle. My girls are overachievers, so I have to make even the most serious subject funny. Sarcasm is a langue of its own. Learn it, and be prepared to add the phrase “just kidding” when they seriously think you are crazy. Be prepared to make a joke at your own expense so you can see that pretty smile that tends to hide inside the moody teenage girl.
7. Find the right mom purse or backpack (or dad backpack). Too big of a bag, and you can’t find anything. Too small of a bag, and you can’t carry everything. More pockets are nice. Its easier to try to be organized. I’ve also found that sometimes I lose things in those nice pockets. Its like a bonus when months later you find that little something you put away. I tend to keep a pair of disposable contacts in my bag for those times when you lose one or get a tear. I can never find them in the little pockets, but when its an emergency and I’m emptying the whole thing out—there it is! The little contact packet that brings me relief and gives me the ability to see when I drive without wearing glasses can bring me great joy when I really really need it. If you don’t already, keep extra pens and a note pad in your bag along with band-aids, gum, candy, Tylenol, Motrin, Benadryl, hair ties, stain remover stick, chewy granola bars, a few dollars in cash, feminine hygiene products, and whatever else you find your self needing most when you are away from home. I’ve also accumulated small sugar packets, chapstick, extra earbuds, phone charger cord, napkins, travel size baby wipes, dental floss, and occasionally I’ll throw in a small pocket knife. Just have to remember to remove the pocket knife before traveling and going through TSA security. I’ve donated a number of small knives to the TSA trash receptacles.
Bottom line: be prepared for any and every little minor emergency that can happen when you are out with middle school age girls. Nothing ruins a fun night like someone spilling chocolate sauce on their white sweater! Or the girl in the backseat that insists on watching YouTube videos and forgot her own earbuds. It happens, and its a lot less stressful for everyone when you pull out that magic bag of tricks.
Disclaimer: This list is not meant to be inclusive. And some of these tips may not be your cup of tea. I hope they help you navigate that treacherous path of dealing with young teens and tweens that will test your patience and have you questioning your skills as a parent. Some days you just want to throw a sandwich in their room and leave them alone. Other days you are driving down the highway with a car load of them singing Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande songs at the top of your lungs.
Additional tips: I recommend having an SUV or a van that can seat at least 7. They travel in packs, and it is a rare occasion that you will have just your own children in the car. Plus, if they play sports or they are in the band, you need the space to carry all that stuff. Also, invest in a good pair of comfortable walking shoes. Whether its a trip to the mall or a weekend at a cheer competition, you are going to put in some steps. They are going to be cranky already; no need for you to be suffering.
